From Keynote Speaker to Cancer Warrior: Four Life Lessons to Find Your Center in Stressful Times
It was December 3, 2020.
I was Vice President of Product Marketing at my last tech company and invited to join our senior most executives (all male) to plan for our annual Sales Kickoff conference.
For the first time ever there would be a woman on the keynote stage (in this case of course it would be a virtual keynote stage since we were in pandemic times). And that woman was me! I was so proud to be carrying the torch for all women who never felt heard, or like they had a seat at the table.
I knew that the expectations in the short 6 weeks before the event and through the holiday season would be intense; they always were. And as always, I showed my passion and willingness to do whatever it took to make an impact – that was my MO! But I also had to somehow let these C-level men know that I wasn’t going to be available for a couple of weeks, because that next day on Dec 4th, I was having an emergency hysterectomy. No, this definitely wasn’t elective surgery – this was to make sure that a tiny cancer cell that showed up would not turn into something big. We caught it early and this would be to make sure it was gone for good.
Fun sharing that information to a bunch of men! BUT – I was absolutely committed, thrilled to be asked, and so excited to carry that torch!
But it wasn’t to be.
Thankfully, the procedure went smoothly – I was outside walking and almost ready to take on the world three days later. But little did I know that right before the holidays, there would be more bad news. It was unbelievable, but I, the one who had mastered wellness/clean eating/fitness, the one people came to for wellness advice … had stage 3 endometrial cancer. Worse, it had moved to my lymph node.
I fell to the floor in shock – I instantly felt like my life could be over. I had so much more to do – to be in the world!
I was told by four reputable oncology teams that I needed aggressive treatment. That meant 25 rounds of radiation, and that would be followed by chemo, and the strong possibility losing my hair… a core part of my identity. I was truly terrified.
I took leave of absence (LOA) and did not attend the conference I was so excited to speak at. The torch I thought I would carry became a torch I would carry for me, me alone, and making choices that would get me through this in the best way possible – whatever it took to make an impact!
What I didn’t realize for a while is this would really be the first time in a long time when I would put what was truly important to me first.
And that brings me to Four Valuable Life Lessons that I learned and want to share with you here. Maybe I already knew some of these things in the back of my head – but it wasn’t until this last year and a half that they have come alive!
I hope you NEVER have to go through what I did to learn these lessons, but they are lessons you can use everywhere. As you read the story, consider how each of these lessons can apply to you – at work and in all of life.
LESSON ONE: Know and leverage the strengths of those around you.
After I had some time to process the devastating news, I went to work. After more than 26 years on global teams in tech, I had learned a few things. My diagnosis was just too big and significant a project for one person to take on alone, so I looked at the talents of my team – and in this case it was TEAM FAMILY.
My mom had been an award-winning research analyst who became well-known for the hard questions she would ask of CEOs on quarterly calls. My brother was an operations-leader, so he built the Google spreadsheet for us to efficiently track information, and mom helped pull together the questions we would ask and research to understand the situation. Mom took notes on the calls and my husband was another set of ears, because there was no way I could just listen and understand all this medical jargon when I was busy being scared to death. As an aside, my husband, who has a strong eye for detail and aesthetic, would also end up playing the role of Chief Hair Washer – and that my friends, was a VERY important role after I learned there was an outside chance that I COULD save my hair.
The takeaway: Get to know the strengths of the people around you and on your teams and leverage them. Just as you have your unique strengths and talents – so does everyone (even when they aren’t showing them off). Too often we focus on weaknesses.So much more can be accomplished when we appreciate and SEE each other for the strengths and skillsets we each bring to the table, and when we hold each person up to their greatest contribution.
If you’re a sports fan, this is also the way championship sports teams win. Trust that every woman and man have something great to contribute to the best outcome. There is no question that my team – which grew to include significant contributions from my mother-in-law, my Aunt, and several friends – made a major difference in my getting to the finish line.
LESSON TWO: Spend your time on what you CAN control, not what you CAN’T.
All too often in the fast-paced world we live and work in, we move around without stopping to breathe, to pee, to eat a healthy breakfast. We get caught up in personalities and decisions and situations that are out of our control.
How much valuable time is wasted getting worked up about a change in direction we don’t agree with, about not being included in a meeting, about a reorg, about a change in our manager, or what THAT guy or gal said?
How could we be using our STRENGTHS for something more meaningful? We all have the AGENCY to make that choice!
And so, as I got ready to take that big leap into day one of radiation, I realized – what value was I getting by focusing all my energy on the cancer, feeling sorry for myself, worrying about my life being turned upside down, side effects, focusing on the real possibility of that I would look in the mirror and not recognize who I see? How else could I spend MY PRECIOUS TIME to aim for the best-possible outcome? How could I help myself by being the determined, courageous, disciplined, wellness-focused woman that I am?I could not control that I had cancer. I could not control what the cancer might do. But what about this could I control?
I wanted to live, and if it was to be it was up to me to give it my best shot!
I had the control to learn. I had control to make smart choices. I learned how to nourish my body through this. I hydrated and went for walks in nature like it was my job. I chose to share this vulnerable journey with friends – even though I didn’t look my best. I dry-iced my head 11.5 hours on chemo days, barely touched my head for 9 months. I did acupuncture twice a week to help avoid some painful chemo side effects. I kept my brain active and went through the Cornell Women’s Leadership Program while in chemo. I was disciplined. I was connected. I was active. I was motivated.
None of this was easy. But it was entirely conscious. I was in control of every choice, and my choices were going to be about my wellness no matter how hard the cancer pushed (and it pushed) or how cold the ice felt.
It was scary. It was lonely. To go to bed at night, every night, knowing I could die. So, I had to make another choice early on to keep myself calm and clear headed. Another choice that I could control, but it would take consistency and practice, which led me to…
LESSON THREE: Achieve Bigger with a ‘Plus One Mindset.’
As I said – this wasn’t as if a light switch turned in my head and it was easy to go through the months of cancer treatment. And no matter how well-meaning friends and family may be – cancer is a very lonely place, and there are nights when your heart beats out of your chest with fear, and nothing helps you rest. I knew from many years of wellness training that stress is one of the top 3 causes of chronic disease, though admittedly and to my detriment, prior to this wake-up call I did not have intentionality in this important area.
I needed an ally to help me face each day with a clear perspective. I had never really practiced meditation – in fact I often rejected it because my brain would not shut down. But I decided I needed a tool to go to when I was scared – a way to turn stress into something positive and healing. So I started practicing.
Now I knew from other times in my life that for something NEW to have true IMPACT, I had to be consistent. So, every single day – I sat down for 10 minutes at a time. I didn’t have to make it overwhelming – I made up the rules for forward progress. I knew I could handle 10 minutes. At first, I had to just go with the chatter in my head. But I was determined to break through. I practiced, one day at a time for 10-minutes. And soon it became a few times a day. And I breathed, more and more deeply. I escaped to a place beyond the fear. It became an ally to help me find calm.
In fact – let’s pause and try it right now as a small break from this article. Close your eyes. And just give yourself a slow and deep inhale: 1-2-3-4-5-6-7- hold… and then slowly exhale, 2-3-4-5.
Again – I know it can be very easy to go, go, go all day and say, ‘I’ll just do it tomorrow – I have too much on my plate!’ But I ask YOU, what would be possible at work and in all areas of life, if you carved 10 minutes out of your busy days in a quiet space….. EVERY SINGLE DAY… to escape the chaos and just sit in a quiet place and breathe deeply?
For me, the consistency gave me the space to take on this challenge of cancer and be the best fighter I could be one day at a time.I refused to worry about 6 months out. I focused on progress one day at a time.
This brings me to the Plus One mindset.
Plus One. There is no question this PLUS ONE approach to developing a sense of calm got me to the end with 95 percent percent of my hair, no neuropathy, and ready for the next phase of my life.
Let’s illustrate the point further: Do you have a DREAM or an IDEA you have always felt to be out of reach? Doesn’t matter how big or small – it’s your dream and I dare you to dream it!
What if you took 30 minutes this evening to write about that dream? Write down:
What does it look like?
What’s important to you about this dream?
What does it feel like to step into that dream?
What would be a small step you could take tomorrow toward that dream?
- What if instead of getting caught up in all the reasons why NOT, you took that small step?
- What if you navigated that path every day, and instead of getting stressed about the big mountain ahead, what about taking one small step?
- You’ve built the vision; now put one foot in front of the other.
- What if you took a small step every day for 30 days?
- What would you see if you stopped, and looked back at today 30 days from now?
- How far have you come that would NOT have happened otherwise?
I have a fun example – I always wanted to publish a book. It was September 28th, 2021, I was walking on a trail near my home and thinking about what I could do as a small, inexpensive offer for my new leadership coaching business. All of a sudden, I had an idea about a piece of valuable content that would feature amazing women with lessons they’ve learned over a lifetime. I have a large global network. I know a lot of outstanding women who deserve to be heard. I had no idea how to build a book, but I practiced the PLUS ONE – on the 29th I sent a letter with a request and timeline to 75 outstanding women. Thirty-three days later – I published a book with these lessons on Amazon.
THIS is what I mean about LIVING PLUS ONE LIFE. And there is NO REASON it can’t be you.
Whether it’s building your own business, becoming the manager of your team, or a CEO, learning a new language, writing a book, getting to 25 pushups on your toes, beating cancer, what would be possible by living in the PLUS ONE?
LESSON FOUR: Choose Life in the Context of YOUR VALUES.
What are YOUR VALUES in life?Those things that when they are present, you feel ALIVE, present, engaged, hungry…FULFILLED!
Allow me to share the most significant revelation of this cancer journey: It was maybe late April – I was in chemo – the hardest, most grueling part of the journey. Blood tests every week, white blood cells at an all-time low, a 4-day stint in the hospital because my gastrointestinal system had completely shut down – alone because we were in COVID times. I was not allowed to go out in the California sunshine at all because it would impact my hair and burn my skin…
And YET, I had this strange question floating around in my head… Why in the world was I less stressed going through cancer treatment than I had been in the last few years at my company?
Now I want to make sure to make this clear: this is NOT me saying you should leave your company! Far from it. Remember – earlier I mentioned that this would really be the first time in a long time when I would put what was truly important to me – first.
What I am saying is that you could be working at a company that is doing poorly on paper or playing on a team that hasn’t found its way to greatness – and YET, if you are honoring your personal values – you can still be fulfilled!
It’s kind of magical. No matter the situation, if we find ourselves honoring what’s most important to us, we are fulfilled. I can absolutely think back upon the many wonderful times in my tech career when my values were on point!
So how do we measure this?
Well, first we must check in on our values. And this could take time because in many cases – and definitely in mine – we move so fast and furious that most of us are conditioned to think our values are what someone else said they should be. Or we lose track of our values because we’re too busy hustling and trying to prove something to someone who may not even really matter in the grand scheme of our life.
Values can be words like Connection, Intelligence, Beauty, Freedom, Tradition, Adventure, Impact, Growth, Wellness…
Values can also be represented by combinations of words that just speak to your soul: like culture/diversity/language/travel; or nature/sea; or creativity/fun/music/dancing… there are so many – these happen to be mine. It doesn’t matter what the word or combination of words is. They just have to speak to YOU.
The reality is I was HONORING more of these when I was in cancer treatment, and I truly felt it! I was actually more ALIVE!
Here’s an exercise to do (I’ll add that working with a great coach can really support you in tapping into what truly moves you):
- Make a list of 20 of your values. Take your time – remember, we are often conditioned to use words that sound good.
- Then narrow it down to 12.
- Ask yourself: what’s important about this value to me? When THIS value is present, how ALIVE am I? Do I light up? Or is this just a word I think everyone else will like. You will feel it viscerally when it’s right.
Be true to yourself. Once you have made that list, ask yourself, how are these values showing up in my life? In everything I do in and outside of the office? How can my values become a reference point for how I make choices toward a fulfilled life?
How are you HONORING your values on a scale of 1-10? It’s okay – be honest with yourself because burying the data under a rug won’t offer you any real value! This is a guide. Remember – what you CAN’T control is what it is now. And remember, what you CAN control, is the choice you make from here.
The lessons have helped me to beat cancer, have lead me to starting my own business, The Lens Leadership, offering custom executive coaching, and experiential leadership learning for groups around the world, to become an avid reader, to connect more deeply with old friends and to develop hundreds of amazing new friendships, to start a women’s leadership group with incredible leaders, to publish my first (definitely not my last) book, to take up drum lessons…
What can these lessons mean for you?
Alison is an executive and leadership coach who lived the hustle of fast-paced, global tech for 26 years. She is also a cancer warrior and certified whole wellness coach. If this content resonated, take action by scheduling a confidential consultation with Alison to explore how she can be your advocate, your challenger, AND your trusted success partner.
Alison also offers a highly rated, 3-hour experiential workshop called Take the Reins: Be the CEO of Your Life. Learn more and register for the next session HERE!
